Last modified 25 March 2000.
Best viewed with netcat.
"Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire?"
Episode 3 transcript, with notes.
January 17, 2000
American Broadcasting Corporation
Regis Philbin: Last night on "Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire?",
J.P. Morgan's remains correctly answered 24 questions. He could have
walked away with $500 million, but he incorrectly identified his favorite
Spice Girl on question 25, knocking him back to $32 million.
Now join us in New York for night 3 of "Who Wants To Be A
Trillionaire?"! Tonight, we have 10 new contestants, all eager to win
a trillion dollars! They are:
Paul Allen $30 billion
Warren Buffett $36 billion
King Fahd Bin Abdulaziz Alsaud $28 billion
Philip Anschutz $16 billion
Sheikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan $20 billion
S. Robson Walton $16 billion
Bill Gates $90 billion
Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah $30 billion
Amir Jaber Al-Ahmed Al-Jaber Al-Sabah $17 billion
Michael Dell $16 billion
In our Fastest Finger round, contestants must put the 4 answers in
order as quickly as possible. Whoever answers correctly in the
fastest time will be our next contestant. Here we go... Put these
presidents in order of the value of the bills on which they appear:
A. Jackson B. Franklin
C. Hamilton D. Lincoln
[Contestants enter answers on their touchpads.]
The correct order, of course, is Lincoln-Hamilton-Jackson-Franklin.
Let's see who got it right and in the fastest time... [Screen shows
names and times.] So it's Bill Gates, 43 years old, from Bellevue,
Washington, who got it in 0.87 seconds, tying our Fastest Finger
record! Bill is chief software architect at Microsoft. How are you
tonight, Bill?
Bill Gates: Good, Regis, very good.
RP: I see you've brought some people with you tonight?
BG: Yes, Regis, I've filled the audience with scholars who study
nothing but completely useless information.
RP: Useless, eh? Can they give me Kathy Lee's phone number?
[Audience laughs.]
BG: Oh, I'm just kidding Regis. Actually, these are people who paid
to upgrade from Windows 95 to Windows 98. I figured I should give
them something for their money. [Audience doesn't get it. Laugh track.]
RP: Are you ready to play?
BG: You bet.
RP: Okay, you know the rules. You must answer 35 questions for the
trillion dollars, and you have 3 lifelines: fifty-fifty, phone a
friend, or ask the audience.
[Screen displays pay scale beside Bill's face:
35 $1,000,000,000,000
34 $500,000,000,000
33 $250,000,000,000
32 $125,000,000,000
31 $64,000,000,000
30 $32,000,000,000
29 $16,000,000,000
28 $8,000,000,000
27 $4,000,000,000
26 $2,000,000,000
25 $1,000,000,000
24 $500,000,000
23 $250,000,000
22 $125,000,000
21 $64,000,000
20 $32,000,000
19 $16,000,000
18 $8,000,000
17 $4,000,000
16 $2,000,000
15 $1,000,000
14 $500,000
13 $250,000
12 $125,000
11 $64,000
10 $32,000
9 $16,000
8 $8,000
7 $4,000
6 $2,000
5 $1,000
4 $500
3 $300
2 $200
1 $100]
RP: Here we go. For $100, what sound does a mouse make? Is it
A. Moo B. Squeak! Squeak!
C. Baa! Baa! D. Hello
BG: Hmm... I know cows go Moo, so it isn't A. I've never heard a
mouse go "Baa! Baa!" either, so I'm pretty sure it's not C. Oh... I
should know this, but I've been too busy developing great software!
Well, I think I know what the answer is, Regis, but I don't want to
risk it, so I'm going to use one of my lifelines. I'm going to ask
the audience.
RP: Okay, he's going to ask the audience. Audience, use the vote
recording devices in front of you to record your answers. [Shots of
audience thinking and entering answers.] Let's see what they said:
5% 7% 84% 4%
##
##
##
##
##
## ## ## ##
----------------
A B C D
RP: Eighty-four percent say "Baa! Baa!", Bill. What do you think?
BG: I think Windows 2000 is going to be a very successful product line!
[Laugh track.] Seriously, though, I'm going to ignore my customers on
this one, Regis. But I still don't quite know the answer. [A pause
while Bill presses his hands thoughtfully against his face.] I'm going
to use another lifeline, Regis. I'm going to phone a friend. I'm
going to phone my friend Steve Ballmer.
RP: Okay, he's going to phone his friend Steve in Washington. AT&T
will help us get Steve on the line.
[Ring.]
Steve Ballmer: Hello?
RP: Steve, Regis Philbin here from ABC's "Who Wants To Be A
Trillionaire."
SB: Hello?
RP: Anyway, your friend Bill is here. He's going for $100, but he
needs your help. Bill, you have 30 seconds.
BG: Steve, what sound does a mouse make. Is it A, moo; B, squeak
squeak; C, baa baa; or D, hello?
SB: Hello?
BG: Are you abso-lutely sure?
SB: Hello? Hello?!? God damn it. [Click.]
BG: Thanks, Steve. Okay, Regis, I knew this all along but I just
wanted to be safe. The answer is D. Hello.
RP: Final answer?
BG: [With a nod] Final answer.
[Long pause.]
RP: I'm sorry, Bill, but the correct answer is B. Squeak! Squeak!
[Bill looks indignant.] Too bad, Bill, you didn't win anything. Who
will be our next contestant? We'll find out, right after this break,
so don't go away!
[Commercial break: American Plastics Council. "Plastic Makes It Passable."]
RP: We're back! During the break, Bill Gates challenged the answer
to one of our questions, so our producers looked it up on the latest
version of Microsoft's Expedia Encyclopedia, and found that the sound
a mouse makes is in fact "Hello."
[A video clip is shown, with a still picture of a mouse and Steve
Ballmer's voice: Hello? Hello?]
RP: So, Bill has won $100 and is now ready to move on. For
$200, what sound does a mouse make? Is it
A. Moo B. Squeak! Squeak!
C. Baa! Baa! D. Hello
BG: Wow, Regis, looks like our cryptographers wrote that one! [One
voice on the laugh track gets it.] The answer is D, Regis, Hello.
RP: You're right! For $200! For $300 now, Bill, your net worth is
equal to the combined net assets of how many of the poorest Americans?
Is it
A. 120 thousand B. 1.2 million
C. 12 million D. 120 million
BG: That's easy, Regis. The answer is D, 120 million.
RP: Yes, that's correct. Let's move on before our home audience
thinks about that one too much. For $500, what is a flaw in a
computer program called? Is it
A. A bug B. A feature
C. A blooper D. An operating system
BG: Geez, I would know this, but I've been too busy developing great
software.
RP: You've said that already, Bill, are we going to be hearing this
all night?
[Audience chuckles.]
BG: Well, Regis, when I say it often enough, people start to believe
it. [Laugh track.] Okay, Regis, I'm going to use another lifeline
here. I'm going to exercise my stock options and jump straight to
$125 billion.
RP: I'm sorry, Bill, but you can't do that on our sh--wait, just a
moment... yes, our producers say you *can* do that. Okay, Bill,
you've won $125 billion, just 3 questions away from $1 trillion. For
$250 billion, what company makes the software used to manage the
little answers that appear at the bottom of the screen? Is it
A. Lotus B. Netscape Communications
C. Microsoft D. Corel
BG: I think I know this, but I'm not quite sure... I'm going to use a
lifeline. I'd like to use my fifty-fifty.
RP: Very well. Computer, please remove 2 incorrect answers, leaving
the correct answer as well as 1 incorrect one.
[Computer removes 3 answers, leaving Microsoft.]
BG: The answer is C, Regis, Microsoft.
RP: You got it! For $250 billion! [Regis holds up fake check for
$250 billion with Bill Gates' name on it.] For $500 billion, if
Microsoft maintains its exponential rate of version numbering, what
version of Windows might be released in 2010? Would it be
A. Windows 1.2 Million B. Windows 2010, A PSPACE Odyssey
C. Windows 401(k) D. Windows I Make More Than You Do
BG: Hmm... you sure picked some weird, irrelevant questions tonight!
Don't you have any sports questions or something? [Audience laughs.]
Well, I'd like to buy a lifeline. I'd like to buy a phone call to my
friend Robert Iger, president of ABC.
RP: I guess your credit's good. [Audience laughs.] Incidentally, I
didn't know you were friends with Mr. Iger.
BG: When you've added as much value to the economy as I have,
everyone's your friend, Regis.
RP: Okay, AT&T will help us get Rob on the line.
[Ring.]
RI: Hello?
RP: Rob, Regis Philbin here from "Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire?".
Your friend Bill Gates is going for $500 billion, but he needs your
help.
RI: I'm not friends with Bill Gates...
RP: Bill, you have 30 seconds.
BG: Rob, can you help me with this one? Before you answer, I'd like
to tell you that we hired a script kiddie to break into your home
computer with a tool he got off 2600.com.
RI: Shit. Really?
BG: Yes, Bob.
RI: Geez, Bill, you sure know how to pour hot wax on a guy's nipples
while he's tied down with shiny black leather straps--Regis, let him
have it or I'll cut your balls off.
BG: Thanks, Bob. The answer is E, Regis, let him have it or I'll cut
your balls off.
RP: [Leaning back] Is that your... final answer?
BG: That is absolutely, 100 percent my final answer.
RP: And it's a good one, for $500 billion! Okay, Bill, you're just 1
question away from one trillion dollars. Are you ready?
BG: I'm ready.
RP: Okay, Bill, I just need to waste a little more time here to give
our home audience the time to get a good money buzz going... okay,
they're ready. For one trillion dollars, [beep beep] Well, you know
what that sound means! We're out of time for tonight, so join us
tomorrow night to find out if Bill Gates becomes our first trillion
dollar winner!
Last modified 25 March 2000.
Best viewed with netcat.