There have been several misunderstandings relating to the content of this page. Hopefully I will be able to clear up some of these misunderstandings. I will sacrifice concision in favor of spelling out a lot of details explicitly. I will favor redundancy over compactness. I will also sometimes favor precision even if it sounds bombastic.

This page is not, in fact, a "Paid Advertisement." It is not really sponsored by "the Ithaca Chamber of Commerce and the Tompkins County Bureau of Public Detriment." It is, at its core, a parody, and is not intended to trick anyone into believing that it is not a parody.

Why did I choose crime as a central theme for the parody? It was not to be tasteless. For starters, it is ironic¹: why would a town invite people to commit crimes in it? That's the last thing you'd expect a town to choose for a tourism theme, so it is naturally a first choice for a parody.

Second, it is a comment about Ithaca politics. The page was created in August 2001, in the campaign season for the Common Council elections. A prominent local issue is Southwest development. Consider the third paragraph of the original page:

The Mayor's Office does kindly request that all marauders pay a modest $5 plundering tax (cash only please), to augment our tax base. When you pay the tax, you will receive your very own complimentary copy of our exclusive guide, "101 Ways to Exploit Ithaca and Its Residents."

This sets up an internal logic for the parody. The implicit question was, "Why would a town invite people to commit crimes in it?", and the paragraph suggests that the Mayor's Office is willing to sacrifice the town, for the sake of augmenting the tax base. More precisely, the Mayor's Office is not concerned with whether or not the invitation to plunder Ithaca is good for the community at large, but instead is concerned only with augmenting the tax base.

The connection to Ithaca is that during that campaign season, Mayor Alan Cohen and his "October Alliance" pals were adopting the mantra of "Augment the tax base! Augment the tax base!" in response to any criticism of the mayor's Southwest development plan and how it was being handled.

My view on the issue of Southwest development is that it is bad for Ithaca. I believe that it would--in the long run--harm Ithaca's economy; big box retail chains would not want to put up stores here if they did not expect to get more money out of the community than they are putting in. I think the argument that they boost the economy by creating jobs or paying taxes is inadequate: the money that they pay in wages and taxes comes from the community (and neighboring communities) in the first place, and the rest of the money spent at the stores leaves the community. (The mayor's response to this criticism is generally that the stores are either going to be here or in the next town over, so the money is going to be spent at the big box retailer anyway, so we might as well be the ones to get some of the money back. There is an underlying prisoner's dilemma here, and I think that the mayor's attitude is essentially part of a losing strategy, from the point of view of Ithaca and its surrounding communities considered as a whole.)

So a translation of the third paragraph into the literals of local politics might be, "The mayor is willing to let big box retailers plunder our town, as long as a small portion of the money they extract from the community is diverted to the city coffers." I'm not suggesting that the money, once in the city coffers, is necessarily spent badly--I'm just suggesting that the "augment the tax base" approach is shortsighted, in that it only addresses the problem of city revenue, while running the cost of hurting the community as a whole. That's my take on the situation; maybe I'm wrong. My concerns about Southwest development are not purely economic, but that's all I chose to bring into the fray here.

There's another political jab: Fay Gougakis was arrested at a Common Council meeting at the mayor's behest, and I reference this in the parody: "And if you like to get arrested without committing any crime at all, just come to one of our city council meetings and our mayor will be happy to assist you." The part about skateboarding being a misdemeanor is also real Ithaca (if done in the wrong places or at the wrong speeds), and I decided to toss that in because I have fond memories of skateboarding.

So that's roughly why crime was a central theme.

I didn't necessarily expect people to see all of that, but I did expect the reference to the arrest, followed by the words "mayor" and "to augment our tax base" in the same sentence, to trigger an association with local politics among any readers who might be familiar with those issues. Once aware that there is some sort of association, a reader--if so inclined--could think about what was being said.

My goal was definitely not to offend people. There are more efficient ways to do that. I did, however, aim to forceful, and this is precarious if you deal dark humor: the result is often unsettling, which is good, but what is unsettling to some people can be offensive to others. Some people get an extra kick if their work offends someone, but I just feel bad when it happens--though that doesn't mean I regret it--and start to feel insecure about the value of my work, so I seek affirmation from friends by approaching them and saying, "You hear what happened with my webpage? Apparently, ..." Then, they provide therapy in the form of, "Dude, that's fucked up," and I feel better. (Aw, you crazy kids!)

To revisit and redound: unsettlingness is good. It keeps the reader from falling asleep, which I consider to be a prerequisite for most writing (bedtime reading being a notable exception). It often expands the range of different ideas that people are familiar with, giving them a broader intellectual basis from which they can more readily interpret the unfamiliar and create useful new ideas. It also keeps the subconscious on yellow alert². When people shy away from what is unsettling, opting instead to adhere to what is expected, they reinforce mental boundaries--thickening the skull--and end up splashing around in a kiddie pool of shopworn thoughts and jokes.

Most people, though, prefer not to have certain expectations defied, even if they don't realize it, and as a result, the language around us is increasingly unenergetic, stripped of any edges, burrs, or hooks, so that it slides smoothly into us. (It can be "in your face", perhaps, but it's in your face in an unremarkable manner.) This kind of saccharine language takes on its purest form when it is used to sell something--a product, an idea, or a place.

(To clarify: this feel-good language is not always positive; words like "evil" and "cowardly" are simple and comforting when used to describe people we don't like.)

There's no need for this slick talking, already bad enough, to degenerate into bathos, but it typically does. I guess there's just something reassuring about the familiarity that comes with overuse, and something soothing about thoughtless sentimentality. (Or maybe it's just that pasteurization and homogenization will always be together.)

All of this is accompanied by correspondingly meaningless and trite visual schemes, each targeted to a particular audience. Consider the following image:

"Keep the memories, and so much more" is a meaningless platitude. (It does take on meaning in the context of the parody, but let's not try to explain the jokes here.) The font is sappy. The hot air balloon, in soft focus, is visual rhetoric. The image's dimensions are meant to suggest a banner ad. (Actually, the image is 411 by 89 pixels, while banner ads are generally 468 by 60, but I thought the cozier feel was worth the departure from purism.) In sum, the image is precision engineered to be as mawkish as possible, hence it is exactly what one would expect from a "real" tourism page.

If I were targeting the young end of Generation X and the old end of the post-Generation-X generation, I would have done this instead:

Tourism provides a metaphor for cliche. To illustrate:

This is not a real photograph of Taughannock Falls; it is a composite image formed from twelve "different" photos found on the Internet. Apparently, many visitors to Taughannock Falls take a picture of the falls from one vantage point, while most of the rest take a picture from a second vantage point. Even with two vantage points, it was easy to combine all the photos. (Here you can see one vantage point from the other.)

Now, you can't expect Taughannock Falls to look different for everyone who goes there, but tourism takes what would already be a somewhat homogeneous experience, homogenizes it further (partly out of necessity), and then tries to convince as many people as possible to share that experience.

Let me try to put some of these things together using a table; the rows represent loose correspondences:

I'm not trying to say that what is mundane and broadly accepted is necessarily bad; dying, for instance, is universal, but obituaries rarely deride the dearly departed for being unoriginal. Hugging is also very popular, and hooray for that. What I'm attacking here are those things--phrases, habits, beliefs, and desires all being things--which attain popularity not through any particular merit, but by standing on the shoulders of such giants as laziness, fear, denial, greed, or any other weakness of your choice (though, out of self-indulgence, I'll let gluttony go unpunished, at the risk of disappointing gluttons for punishment).

But whining about the mental laziness of others is hypocritical, itself a manifestation of mental laziness, a convenient facility when there's nothing else to say. (The theme "____ing X is itself X" will be recapitulated later in the fifth movement.) So, to help avoid misunderstandings about this explanation you're reading--now taking us into the realm of epiepexegesis (make that reckless neologism as well)--I want to make sure you understand that I'm aware that most of the ideas here are not original. If I thought they were big news, I would have written them down a lot sooner, instead of hammering them out now under mild duress in an attempt to convince half the audience that there are valid motivations underlying Ransack Ithaca!, and outstrip the patience of the other half before they read it, so that no one is offended.

Back to the point:

"First of all, we decided not to consult any maps of K2. After all, the last thing you want in life is a map, because you see only what someone has seen before you. People are forced to use all kinds of maps to make their way in life. We're all hemmed in by maps. Too often our lives are mapped out for us. Codes, rules, regulations, precedents, preconceived notions of right and wrong, pile up until, by the time you're an adult, you're just drowning in the formulas of other people's lives. So, no maps for us." (Joe Frank, Mountain Rain.)

The effectiveness of language is not one-dimensional. From www.coca-cola.com (hyperlink added for emphasis):

The Coca-Cola Company exists to benefit and refresh everyone who is touched by our business. ... Our local strategy enables us to listen to all the voices around the world asking for beverages that span the entire spectrum of tastes and occasions. What people want in a beverage is a reflection of who they are, where they live, how they work and play, and how they relax and recharge. Whether you're a student in the United States enjoying a refreshing Coca-Cola®, a woman in Italy taking a tea break, a child in Peru asking for a juice drink, or a couple in Korea buying bottled water after a run together, we're there for you.

As far as communicating useful information, the above writing is ineffective. But for manipulating people, it is very effective: Coca-Cola's marketers know what they're doing. Increasingly, language is used for manipulation instead of communication. While I am partly deriding today's pasteurized language for lacking substance, I am mostly deriding it for its use as a tool for manipulation.

The increasingly rhetorical use of our language, and the influence that commercial language has over other usage, has brought with it casual dishonesty. "The Coca-Cola Company exists to benefit and refresh everyone who is touched by our business." This is casual dishonesty--the Coca-Cola Company exists primarily to bring value to its shareholders; and, while everyone knows this, no one cares, because we simply expect Coca-Cola to toot their own horn shamelessly, so we overlook the dishonesty.

A more talked-about example is Bush's describing the September 11 attacks as "cowardly". What's cowardly about them? One could argue that they are cowardly because the terrorists did not have the courage to question their own righteousness. Or, others argued that because they believed in an afterlife, these were religious fanatics who did not fear death--hence, they were cowardly. But the attacks were declared cowardly as soon as people flew planes into the World Trade Center. There's nothing "ignobly timid and faint-hearted" about that, regardless of who the victims were. Nevertheless, in the parallel universe of rhetorical English--where connotation trumps denotation, and which reflects the bivalence of modern popular thought--bravery equals righteousness, and all atrocities are committed by cowards. So, while I think Bush's use of the word cowardly is somewhat calculated, I think most others use it thoughtlessly; they just say it because it's a very popular word for describing evildoers. I think this ambient insincerity in the language we're exposed to has so desensitized us that we--and this includes you and me, not simply a vague we that means everyone else--are often oblivious to our own distortions (beyond the natural level of human subconscious distortion).

All of this might seem like improbably much meaning for a webpage that's considerably shorter than its explanation, but the above comments about tourism and insincerity are more the motivational background for Ransack Ithaca! than they are its actual meaning. Also, this parody is descended from a long tradition of parodies, so some of the meaning is congenital, communicated not directly, but by evoking the reader's preexisting knowledge of the Platonic form "parodiness". And this³ is problematic: parodies are such a well established institution that new ones are often unoriginal; in particular, parodying the formulaic has itself become formulaic. I tried to be new with mine, change the formula. Refreshing? Or New Coke?

Let's consider part of the classic formula: silly place names. They are used:

1.	To insult.
2.	To be funny, but too often to pack in cheap gags wherever they'll fit, making you feel like you're watching a skit produced by Cub Scouts earning a Theater merit badge.
3a.	To imitate preexisting notions of parody.
3b.	For fear that anything else is somehow not allowed, similar to how 555-____ is everyone's phone number on television, reflecting a distrust of the audience. Fear and a distrust of the audience: bad.

So, no silly place names.

The relationship between the writer and the audience is vital. Without mutual trust, I don't see how you can achieve anything significant. Consider this explanation you're reading: as I'm writing it, I feel uncertain about whom it's even for--friends, philistines, omniscient third party observers, me?--so the result is schizophrenic and hauntingly empty, a parade of technique with no holiday. (If you'll let me, I'd like to chalk that up to distrust, in the sense that I feel restrained by uncertainty, as opposed to feeling confident that I can move forward as I choose.) It would be pleasingly symmetrical for me to say that the reader should trust the writer, but I'm going to complicate things: I think the reader has the ostensibly paradoxical burden of both trusting and distrusting the writer: open-minded but not gullible; willing to learn, but with the understanding that learning requires questioning as well as trust⁴.

A prevalent alternative to trust is manipulation. The creator manipulates the audience, and the audience also manipulates the creator. I'm talking more about commercially oriented media here, like TV, movies, and news. Because the content provider has a commercial goal that supersedes artistic (or journalistic) concerns, the artistic aspect is commandeered by the pursuit of that goal; in practice, this amounts to indulging the audience so they'll tune in and buy, and this poisons the artistic process. The creators might be very talented, but if their work is shaped by revenue targets rather than a commitment to a personal vision, then the result is work that is brilliantly profitable, or groundbreakingly unruffling. The work is shaped by the expectations of the audience, and this is how the audience manipulates the content provider. This is illustrated by a memo from the chief copy editor of the Panama City News Herald (Florida):

Oct. 31, 2001

Deskers:

There are a few items that we must take care of immediately:

No one on the copy desk is to leave any night without checking with Camera Room personnel to make sure your pages have been received. This means you MUST PERSONALLY SEE ALL YOUR PAGES AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN PROCESSED. If they are in the queue but not processed, they have not been received as far as I am concerned. Also, do not call Lawrence, Jerry, Flip, Harold or anyone else and ask if your pages have been received. You will be responsible for your own pages.

Per Hal's order, DO NOT USE photos on Page 1A showing civilian casualties from the U.S. war on Afghanistan. [Note: "Hal" is News Herald executive editor Hal Foster.] Our sister paper in Fort Walton Beach has done so and received hundreds and hundreds of threatening e-mails and the like.

Also per Hal's order, DO NOT USE wire stories which lead with civilian casualties from the U.S. war on Afghanistan. They should be mentioned further down in the story. If the story needs rewriting to play down the civilian casualties, DO IT. The only exception is if the U.S. hits an orphanage, school or similar facility and kills scores or hundreds of children. See me if there are any special situations.

There was a head bust on an attacks page today because the headline was not spell checked. This is a violation of a direct order to SPELL CHECK ALL HEADLINES. This will not be tolerated under any circumstances. USE SPELL CHECK EVERY TIME.

Failure to follow any of these or other standing rules could put your job in jeopardy.

I consider this form of mutual manipulation particularly harmful, because it creates a vicious cycle of misperception: we see ourselves as morally unblemished, so we retaliate against anything which suggests otherwise, so we do not see anything which suggests otherwise, so we reinforce our original perception. The sort of misperception involved--denying one's own faults (while exaggerating the faults of others)--is a consistent obstacle to peace. (Note that there are really two positive feedback loops here: 1) The media<->consumer one above; 2) If it's "us good, them evil" (and when is it anything else?) then when we kill them, it makes us better for destroying evil, and when they kill us, it makes them eviler for destroying good. In other words, we reaffirm our righteousness by taking our righteousness as an axiom. Regardless of who is or is not right, it's unsound reasoning, which makes it easier for two parties to both reach the conclusion that God is on their side. That's not to say that the other side has as much claim to God's support as we do; Bush made it clear that God is on our side⁵.)

So, to sate those who didn't like the original, and to put a new twist on exactly what it is that I'm parodying, I have modified Ransack Ithaca!, illustrating my point about the audience, indirectly, writing the material. Portions have been expurgated. Parts rewritten. Hyperlinks updated. The acerbic pinch of violence in your hometown replaced by the creamy caramel of otherness. So: Sing Ho! for wacky place names!

Footnotes

¹Irony Exercise:
Here's an AP photo taken aboard the USS Enterprise, by Jockel Finck (it was pulled due to complaints):

"We've gotten word to our commanders saying, `That's not up to our standards, guys,'" said Navy Rear Admiral Stephen Pietropaoli, in response to the photo. "We want to keep the messages positive." He added that the US Navy does not tolerate discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation. How many instances of irony can you find?
Scoring: 0-1: Poor; 2: Fair; 3-4: Good; 5 or more: Irony Master.

² Rather, it keeps the subconcious elevated.

³ The preexisting knowledge, not the use of the term "Platonic form", whose misused cousin "Platonic ideal" has become a momentarily fresh means of exaggerating the virtue of an object to the extremes necessary in upholding the illusion that stupid crap is meaningful: "this B&B serves the Platonic ideal of toast," "the Platonic ideal of ice cubes", "the Platonic ideal of post-90s intellectually-hipper-than-thou smugness".

⁴ I was grammatically close-minded in high school, opting to pout at Ernest Hemingway when he felt he didn't need antecedents for his pronouns (you think you're so tough, you and your short words, elephant guns, and sweatered sea dog look--you virile bastard!).

⁵ Technically, he didn't say that God was on our side so much as he said that God was on someone's side, but it's pretty clear what he meant.

Feeling restless? Need to get away from it all? Need a little extra cash, or miss the rush of stealing a shiny Lexus SUV? Then we invite you to Ransack Ithica! Whether you're a seasoned veteran or just want to pull your first job, chances are Ithica has what you're looking for.

Situated in the heart of the spectacular Indian Lakes Region, Ithica is a sublime crime destination. With its numerous banks, unarmed citizens, and breathtaking views, we think you'll agree: Ithica is a great pillage. In fact, among small cities, Ithica was voted the best place in America to commit a felony--but Ithica isn't just for felons; if you're in the mood for a misdemeanor, bring your skate-board! And if you like to get arrested without committing any crime at all, just come to one of our city council meetings and our mayor will be happy to assist you.

The Mayor's Office does kindly request that all marauders pay a modest $5 plundering tax (cash only please), to augment our tax base. When you pay the tax, you will receive your very own complimentary copy of our exclusive guide, "101 Ways to Exploit Ithica and Its Residents."

But no matter what you steal, we're sure to steal your heart.

(Please call in advance so that we may have bags of cash ready for you, in the denominations of your choice. Also, please specify whether you would like the money in plain canvas bags, or bags with large green dollar signs printed on them.)

• Cornell Flintlock Credit Union
  1030 Bean Hill Road
  Ithica, NY 14853
  (607) 555257 - 8500
  
  
• Separatists Federal Credit Union
  301 West Dogwick Street
  Ithica, NY 14850
  (607) 555273 - 4611
  
  

• HBSC 300 North Tallow Street Ithica, NY 14850 (607) 555273 - 1431

  
  
• MNT Bank
  40 Lungwood Road
  Ithica, NY 14850
  (607) 555257 - 4600
  
  
• Honeysuckle County Trust Company
  Millagun Corners
  Ithica, NY 14850
  (607) 555257 - 5857

After your bank robbery, we recommend driving south on Ankle Beaters Way for an idyllic high-speed chase through some of New York's most appealing countryside, with speeds approaching 110 miles per hour. (We do not recommend driving over this speed without proper equipment.) Or, if you prefer taking hostages, follow Dragonnade Street north and take a left onto Mustard Cut Road to get to Honeysuckle Airstrip; we can have your 747 flown in from JFK and refueled in less than an hour--with crew!

• Pyramid Mill
  Beadsman Street (just off Smallpox Blanket Road)
  Over 30 stores under one roof. After stealing 400 tabs of OxyContin at gunpoint from our apothecary, you can sell what you don't want for top dollar in our luxurious food court.
  
  

• Kmarket No. 7188 744 South Tallow Street The one stop for all your shoplifting needs. Even without the five-finger discount, our Blue Light Specials® will leave you thinking you got away with robbery!

  
  
• Buttonmilk Falls General Store
  Old Shiner Road, 2 miles from Downtown Ithica.
  Enjoy a sub at our sub shop.
  
  

• Cinter Ithica Gibbet Street (on Millagun Corners) Over 20 specialty shops. Steer clear of the FBI branch office--unlike the Ithica Sheriff, the Feds are out of our jurisdiction.

  
  

• If you need a little extra boldness before going on your weekend crime spree, you can get sauced for free by touring the area's myriad wineries. Not so patient? Then just knock over one of our convenient liquor stores.

  
  
• For hassle-free burglary, we suggest Cuckoldshire Heights. Treasure awaits you in these charming upper-middle-class homes, which are seldom protected by security systems. They are frequently stone, however, so for arson, the closely spaced woodframe homes in the Ithica floodplain are a more productive choice.
  
  

• Cornell's McIvor Tower provides a clear shot at pupils, staff, and faculty on both the Coopery Quad and Moloch Plaza.

Linking to our site is as easy as 1-2-3!
Step 1: Download the following image:

<!-- Steal this town. -->
<P><CENTER>
<A href="http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/ch75/alt/ransack/">
<IMG src="memoriesi.jpg" width="411" height="89" border="0"
 alt="Ithica, NY... Keep the memories, and so much more."></A>
</CENTER><P>

Sponsored by the Ithica Chamber of Commerce and the Honeysuckle County Bureau of Public Detriment.

Last modified 18 May 2002.

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